


"You can’t just run away from your problems forever..."

by birthdaycake_storytime_fall



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, For the sake of this fic John has killed Roxanna, It was supposed to be Johnrik but that's a very distant memory now, Mentions of Roxanna, but not Jac
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 03:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20057614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birthdaycake_storytime_fall/pseuds/birthdaycake_storytime_fall
Summary: John left everything behind in his lab, along with a note to tell Henrik that he wasn't planning to come back. Henrik has to investigate.





	"You can’t just run away from your problems forever..."

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is canon compliant until Roxanna dies. John and Henrik are not dating, but are (of course) mutually pining.  
It's pure angst. Sorry not sorry.
> 
> Anything written in italics is Henrik's point of view.

_It’s midnight and the door is wide open. Is that John crying I can hear? Well, I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t this._

Henrik stepped into the house, immediately drawn to the source of the noise. It was John crying, on the kitchen floor no less. His silent footsteps on the carpeted floor had not alerted John to Henrik’s presence, so he cleared his throat.

John was sobbing too hard to even speak but looked confused upon seeing Henrik stood in the doorway of his kitchen.

“You left all your belongings and a note that just said you were leaving.” Henrik stated, still stood in the doorway across the room from John. He had been down to John’s lab after his shift to ask the man to join him for a drink at his home, but John wasn’t in the lab. What Henrik had thought was peculiar was the fact that John’s wallet, phone, and all his work had been left behind.

“You weren’t supposed to fucking see it! How did you even find me?!” John shouted, tears staining his cheeks but the surprise of Henrik’s sudden appearance allowing the howling cries to cease.

“Now is that the way to greet someone who’s been terribly worried about you?” Henrik realised that him towering over John from across the room was probably not the best way to carry on with the conversation, so he crossed the kitchen floor and sat next to John. “Also, this is your house. It’s literally the first place I looked.”

John gripped his hair in his bony fingers and he looked as though he might start crying again, but he remained silent. Once it was apparent that John wasn’t going to speak, Henrik took a deep breath and said “John, what is going on?”

Through his tears John recounted the details of the trial, the ones he had hidden from Henrik and everyone else. He admitted that he knew the faults in the trial, and that Roxanna had figured it out. He even confessed that he had killed Roxanna to stop her from exposing him.

Once John had finished speaking there were a few moments of silence, until they were broken by Henrik’s shouting. “You lied to me!”

“I lied to a lot of people.” Although Henrik’s harsh tone had surprised John, almost making him jump up from his foetal position, his voice remained as steady as before. “I know I’ve fucked up. But I’m going away, you won’t have to worry about me anymore.”

“You can’t just run away from your problems forever, John.” Henrik’s voice had returned to it’s normal volume. “You need to go to the police. You need to face up to this.”

John’s cries were the only sound in the room once more. He finally looked up at Henrik, seeing the compassion and the love that filled his eyes. “Stop trying to save me, Henrik. I was lost a long time ago. I can’t be saved.”

Henrik briefly wondered if he should bring up the night he tried to drown himself in the lake, when he thought he couldn’t be saved but had been proven wrong by John. Henrik wondered if he should remind John of the many years they had spent saving each other, or if he should talk John into believing that the boy who was once a child slave had become one of the world’s most brilliant surgeons, and that nobody could ever truly take that away from him. But it was hopeless. John couldn’t be talked round when he had his mind set a certain way, Henrik knew that. It was why john had never been to therapy, why he’d needed Henrik to save him so many times over the years, and how John had eventually ended up…well, here. “You haven’t even told me why.” Henrik was crying now too, shedding tears for his dear friend Roxanna who had tried to warn him, and for all the lives that has been lost to John’s trial. The lives that John had taken, accidentally or otherwise.

“It’s like I’ve always said, Henrik, you can’t trust anyone.” John had been crying for so long his voice was turning hoarse. Henrik hadn’t heard John sounding this tired in…well, ever. John sounded more done in now than he had the night he’d pulled Henrik from the lake in Boston, though Henrik could hardly bare to think about that now.

“That’s not an answer!” Henrik’s tone of voice had turned bitter and gruff once more, as it often did when he shouted. God, john could be frustrating at times.

This time, instead of remaining quiet, John raised his voice to match Henrik’s volume. “Yes, it is! It just isn’t the one you want to hear!”

Henrik had spent too long sat in such an uncomfortable position, and he knew he wasn’t going to get anything more worthwhile out of John now, so he stood to leave. It wasn’t until he had almost crossed the threshold out of the room that John spoke.

“You hate me, don’t you?” John didn’t just sound tired anymore, he sounded scared. The only person he’d ever cared for or trusted had been Henrik, and now he had to watch him walk away.

“I don’t hate you, John.” Henrik’s voice was laced with grief. “It just hurts a little too much to be around you right now.” Henrik knew that John was going to run away, if not that night then first thing the following morning. This was the last time he would lay eyes on the man who made him realise that life was worth living. “For what it’s worth, it’s been a pleasure to call you my friend.” _Why did I say friend? It’s been so much more than that._

Henrik could hear John’s outcry from that same spot on the kitchen floor as he trudged out of the house, his body now feeling heavier than when he had first arrived. He couldn’t turn back now because it wouldn’t change anything. Maybe Henrik could have prevented the situation from getting out of hand or, better yet, stopped it completely before lives were lost. He was the CEO for god sake, he’d had the opportunity. But now it was too late.

_Roxanna’s death could have been prevented. I should have listened to her. But, of course, I didn’t. Now I’m laying awake at 4am wondering what I did wrong._


End file.
